Elizabeth Atkinson

Not long ago my teen son informed me that every time he eats anything, he first locates his golden corner: i.e., the best looking bite on his plate which he saves for last.  And apparently he has been doing this for as long as he can remember.

Now I can understand eyeing the “golden corner” once in a while when, for example, splurging on a slice of chocolate cake (saving that huge dollop of fudge frosting for the end). But not in all my life had it occurred to me to always reserve the best for last.

Then I read a study in The New Yorker magazine which identified those kids who would grow up to be most “successful” in general terms (financially, emotionally, etc.). They found that the most important criteria in children “with potential” was their ability to delay pleasure.  And not only delay pleasure, but wait in a calm and collected manner.

For instance, if a plate of brownies was placed in front of a hungry little boy, he was told he could have one brownie now or have three brownies if he waited ten minutes. I would be the salivating, squiggleworm who would mull it over for all of 2 seconds, then scarf that brownie down and get on with life.  But my son, of course, is the type who would be more than happy to rack up a few extra minutes with such a pay-off. And he would easily distract himself or focus calmly on the prize without drooling.

The best way to define this attribute is, of course, the state of having will power which leads to overall discipline. And discipline has never come naturally to me. I have to talk myself into any routine basically by scaring myself to death.  For example, I remind myself every day that I have to get on the treadmill or my cholesterol will climb and I’ll have a stroke and no one will want to take care of me and then where will I live? Or I have to work on a new novel because there’s nothing else I know how to do, so I’ll have no purpose in life and no one will like me and then where will I live? (Okay, so I have a little fear-of-abandonment thing going on as well.)

But we were all amazed last year when my (then 15 year-old) son decided about 6 weeks before tennis season to get in shape. He abruptly stopped eating all junk food and asked for salad at dinner. He worked out regularly every day. And I never saw him cheat once. What was most baffling, however, was that he truly seemed to take pleasure in the journey. No complaints.  It was as if it was a homework assignment – which, by the way, he does regularly with zero encouragement or involvement from his parents.  Why? Apparently he’s actually interested in the stuff they teach at school and he likes good grades…neither of which had ever occurred to me at his age.

My son has no idea where he picked up the concept of a “golden corner,” but I’m starting to think it can’t be taught. Yep, like most gifts in life, you have to be born with it.  And it’s definitely got to be one of those genes that skips a generation.

Pass the chocolate chip cookies please.