Throughout my life I have collected a handful of “womentors” – women who have served as my private mentors professionally, emotionally, and most importantly, maternally.

At the top of my “Best Moms I Ever Knew” list (other than my own mom) is Anne, mother of my closest childhood friend, J.

Unlike every other grown-up, Anne made adulthood seem exciting, far better than youth.  She was younger than all of our parents, which no doubt emphasized her “cool mom” status. But she also represented a new kind of liberated woman, a single mother who seemed to have it all. And she achieved this not by acting like a peer, but by creating an aura of sophistication and worldly adventure – all while caring about those around her with profound sensitivity.

Everything about Anne radiated loveliness, from her classic beauty to her soothing voice to her kindness to her taste and style and the beautiful way she smiled. She knew the best corners of Cambridge, owned a fabulous car (a convertible Karmann Ghia), had an incredible record collection, and the most elegant wardrobe. And her home was richly eclectic while at the same time cozy and always welcoming.

It would take a book to list everything Anne did for others. But the thing Anne did best as a mom, the one thing I try to do over and over, was to provide limitless space for J and her friends to take creative risks. Because no matter how badly (or how well) we sang or danced or drew or performed, Anne doled out the unconditional hugs… open arms promising a safe cushion of love and support. Never do I remember a word of criticism (or excessive compliments), only encouragement to be one’s unique little self.

I recently saw photos of Anne on a California beach, wrapped in fine linen, smiling blissfully as she was spending her birthday with J and family. The same young face and gentle eyes full of compassion shined through, even though she was already ill and 70.  And I remember thinking what an amazing grandmother she must be, that I hoped to look just like her someday when my kids’ kids sat with me in the sand under the sun by the waves…… waves like open arms, promising an eternal cushion of love and support.  Reaffirming that every life is precious, because of wonderful moms like Anne.